I’ve had a pretty good couple of days. I haven’t done anything that important or remarkable and I still haven’t had the time to go volunteering again because uni’s suddenly absorbing most of my spare time... But I am generally doing better than last week and I show up and talk in class as much as my mental health allows me to. I even managed to get a few projects and assignments done, so I already feel a little less lazy.
My father says it might be a while until we come back home. A lot of officials say that it’s best to not return to Kyiv until the end of may. And some others say the war will possibly drag on for a while. I know that it’s beat to wait until we can return to safety, but this is getting too much for me. I miss having privacy, or somewhere other than the volunteer center to go to when I need some time off.
I’m just getting more anxious with every day. With all the news that the russians had possibly used chemical weapons, the phrase “They probably won’t use nukes, don’t worry!” is starting to sound a lot like “They’re not going to invade your country further or kill civilians, don’t worry!”. There’s been another article of pure propaganda that’s been released by a russian news agency that flat-out says that their goal here is to get rid of the Ukrainian nation and culture as a whole, with any means necessary. They’re deporting little fucking children from here and put them in russian families to wipe out their Ukrainian roots, for fuck’s sake!! Basically genocide, right? It fucking baffles me that some politicians don’t want to use that word because it sounds too harsh, apparently. “Never again!” they say, but they only mean themselves and not the dumb little Eastern European country that just so happens to be the second largest country in Europe. For some, Russia is too good of a business partner to let go of, while another case of genocide is happening right in front of them. Oh well. For some people this is going to be just another paragraph in a history book.
I’m just scared. I was dangerously close to accepting that maybe things were starting to go rather well for me before all this mess began.